![]() ![]() The best ones that I have found for social anxiety are, “May I be Safe. If you’re at a social gathering and you start noticing that your palms are sweating, you are fidgeting, and your pulse is racing, see if you can take a moment for yourself, and silently add some lovingkindness phrases and compassion for yourself (there are guides on how to do this in the Ten Percent app). See if you can allow yourself to be genuinely interested in this other human being, who is probably feeling as unsure as you are. Don’t worry you don’t need to do this “perfectly.” There is no such thing as a perfect conversation anyway. The next time you are talking to a stranger at a gathering, allow yourself to have “Beginner’s Mind.” Can you get curious about the person in front of you? Doing so can take the focus off of yourself. Rather than thinking, “I can’t do this,” or “I’m just not good at this social interaction stuff,” imagine how a good friend or a caring coach might support you by adding what we call a cognitive reframe: “I’m not good at this yet.” ![]() Seeing awkward moments in this way can help you meet them with self-compassion. But growth happens outside of our comfort zones these moments are your mental classroom. Yes, you may need to re-learn what to do with your hands at a party. You can adopt a “growth mindset” by giving yourself room to learn new skills, and by welcoming these awkward moments as opportunities to do so. ![]() Here are a few suggestions:īecause of what scientists call “neuroplasticity” (the ability to change our brains as we learn), shifts in attitude and behavior may be easier than you realize. Research has shown that mindfulness and compassion can mitigate the stress of social anxiety, whether the phenomenon is new to you or something you’ve always struggled with. It can be confusing to try to figure out what you’re okay with, let alone what another person is okay with.įortunately, you don’t have to retreat to a cave or find solace in a screen. A client of mine suddenly found herself flustered at a party, wondering, “What do I do with my hands? Do I make eye contact? Is it rude to move on if I’m bored?”Īs if that weren’t enough, the uncertainties about the Delta variant now have us scrambling, once again, to balance safety and well-being, each in our own way. When she did remember, she realized she didn’t have enough food. One friend confided to me that she had people over for drinks, but was so flustered she forgot to serve anything. A year of social distancing has created psychological distance as well. As we collectively rebuild our social and communal lives, many of us are feeling unexpectedly awkward at what were once routine gatherings. I never lived that one down BTW.If so, don’t worry, you are not alone. With all eyes on us, it was very awkward indeed. My lovely bride almost burst into tears, but we finished the dance with dignity to the tune I Don't Need You. He rewound the tape to song one on side two. Being a heavy metal sound man requires a good ear, not a strong mind. All he had to do was start the tape, then switch tapes for the rest of the dances. I scraped up enough money to purchase the Kenny Rogers' cassette that had Through the Years on it, gave it to the band's sound guy and explained that I had rewound it to the second song on side one. Running with a heavy metal band, I didn't have access to very many "dance" tunes and with time running out, I created the tape without the first dance on it. At the time, we were so strapped for cash that I had to borrow 1/2 the music to create the tape. When preparing the mix tape for my wedding reception, the first dance is always the most important. Have you got an awkward moment in your past? Please share them. Many awkward moments arise out of nowhere to take you by surprise. Being a self-conscious person with a sense of humor not everyone gets, can make for some very interesting situations, to say the least. This is one I can really relate to on a very personal level. ![]()
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